Hank KD0BVQ requested that I post his obituary for Marie. See below.
The memorial service will be 2 miles or so from the nearest asphalt road and I assume that it will be private. Please consider donating to the hospice mentioned at the end. They did a great service for Marie.
Marie died Friday 25 October 2019 after a long battle with breast cancer.
Marie wants cremation and a memorial ceremony in a few weeks or month so all who wish can have time to make arrangements. It will be led by our dear friend Sharon, in traditional Native tradition, ending with having her ashes interred in the Native burial site at the top of our hill, joining those of Pete Noce and our dear beloved Buddha Kitty as well as previous Natives. We will circle up and pass the Talking Stick around s the holder may say anything they wish (or be silent and pass it on) As we share our thoughts and stories will all come to know more of Marie collectively than we did individually.
Marie considered both her cancer and her death to be a blessing and said so many times. She was deeply Zen Buddhist and these are fundamental tenets of Zen. Some have told me they don't understand how cancer and death could be blessings. If you look into that literature you will come to a more profound understanding of Marie. Please understand that I don't fault anyone for thinking and feeling the way they do. I just offer this as a way for them to understand how differently Marie thought and felt about this.
As a direct consequence of her profound Zen, when she got the news of her ct scans in June she told me that this blessing freed her to drop all other irrelevant obligations, and live and love with me in Zen simplicity, maximizing her enjoyment to the end. She embarked on dumping huge quantities of encumbrances to free her mind and be in the present moment as much as possible. To sit with me in Zen meditation mornings and sunset. To accept the challenges of losing her morning bike ride and then even her ability to walk, as further simplicity in her life.
I don't mean to make a saint of her. We had some painful times that removed us from the present moment. But she always got back. We acknowledged the Hospice motto "to live until you die" and she lived powerfully and beautifully always and even more so during her last four months.
And it was truly a blessing for both of us. Not all blessings are easy. This one had its difficult times but she never lost sight of the blessing.
Her death was especially a blessing. When she awoke that morning something broke in her belly and she had raging pain that took 1 1/2 hours to get under control with large amounts of morphine and help from the urgently summoned hospice nurse. Pain broke thru 1/2 hour later, and it took more breakthru morphine, then sufficient maintenance morphine ongoingly to assure she was peaceful and pain free till she breathed her last in the next hours. By which time her entire sibship had arrived from StLouis, as well as Dave and Geoff, and all stayed until she was taken to the mortuary.
She truly lived until she died. As the cancer progressed she took each small setback or loss as another challenge which she always met. Creative as always, her last and unfinished job was working on repair of a lovely quilt of her creation, worn out by years of loving use. She continued studying Chinese and traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture and qi points and as was as active as possible in Tai Chi given that she was wheelchair bound. We rented a golf car and built a series of ramps so she could get in it and ride the property and have fun. She got out 3 or 4 times in her final month, that way. She never gave in to disappointment or depression but just kept living till her very last day.
She got the scans (reporting extensive spread of cancer to liver and bones) a few days after our anniversary in July, and lived joyously and lovingly with me until she departed on Friday 25 October. We had almost daily opportunity to sit in quiet meditation on the back porch we built together and watch sunset in this paradise. We cleaned out and simplified so we could live a simple Zen life together. We loved and treasured our time together and we knew the cancer was truly a blessing. Marie told me that one of the most important goals of her life was to make sure her Mom and Dad were able to spend the end of their lives in their home. Since she was able to help make sure this happened, she felt that she had accomplished one very important purpose of her life, and she was satisfied. She helped her mother die peacefully surrounded by her loving family and hoped to get to die that way herself. We made it, and she's safe now.
We talked about and agreed on many things during this time and one was on the Zen tradition of joyously celebrating the good fortune of one who got to depart before us, having no fear of death. When my turn comes I hope to do as well and beautifully as she did. she said she wished she could become a cloud of energy encircling the earth with peace and love, because that's what Earth needs so desperately now.
We strongly request no flowers, cards, food or baked goods, and especially no consolation telephone calls (regular kind ok). If you wish to do something Marie would love for you to do, make a donation to the hospice that cared so lovingly and expertly in her final months.
1900 N Providence Rd suite 311
Columbia Missouri 65202